aletterIn honor of my 21st birthday this past Saturday, I decided to make a post of ten things I would tell my younger self. Seeing as how I’ve done a lot of adulting especially this year, I thought that this would be the best thing to write about on my birthday.

Live life at your own pace.

I know that there has been this mentality instilled in you where you have to compare yourself to others. “Look so and so is doing this.” “Look so and so received this accomplishment.” Although you haven’t achieved the same things, you are making your own achievements along the way. As crazy as it may seem, in the future, you are one of the most organized people I know (when it comes to life plans, etc. but not ur room ur still a mess get it together woman).

So if your parents compare you to other kids, don’t let it get to you too much. Everyone lives under different circumstances and that can in turn create different outcomes in your ways of life. So stop competing. Live life for yourself, not for others or for how you want to be perceived. Because the moment you start living your life for you, you will be a whole lot happier.

Times are gonna suck, and you won’t know why, but it’s okay.

There are gonna be times where you get this pit in your stomach and a heavy feeling in your chest at random times and you won’t know why. There are gonna be times where you just want to curl up in a ball and but also want to be out with your friends because you don’t want to miss out and that’s okay. There are gonna be times where one second you’re happy and the next you feel empty. That’s okay. There are gonna be times where you are asked to do something and your heart starts racing and your palms start sweating and you get a lump in your throat and you feel like right then and there you might actually pass out, but it’s okay. There will be voices in the back of your head saying how big of a failure you are and how you’re not capable of achieving anything and see that group of people? They’ll probably talking about you. Just keep shutting those voices down and it will be okay. It may not make sense now but trust me, in the future it will. And it will still suck in the future but at least you’ll know the reason behind these occurrences and how to live with it.

Stop letting your sisters over pluck your eyebrows!

I know you’ve been made fun of for your thick, shapeless eyebrows. But guess what? Thick eyebrows make a comeback in the future! But sadly, the damage your sisters have wrought to your eyebrows will be too much for it to ever grow back to its full glory. So, tell them knock that ish off and let you be the beautiful you. But, maybe get it shaped cause they literally look like straight lines, fam.

Keep feeling things in extremes.

Keep loving with all your heart. Keep hurting until you can’t breathe. Keep caring until every bone in your body tells you to stop.

There will be times where’d you wish more than anything that you can stop feeling every emotion with everything you have, but baby girl it’s one of my favorite things about you. This is one of the rare traits that you have had since a child and will never lose. Keep it. God knows that growing up will change you in so many ways that maybe you won’t even recognize me anymore.

But this is one thing that will remain constant. It will feel like all that love, all that passion, feeling so overprotective about the ones you love is just all going to waste. But hang tight. One day, someone will reciprocate those feelings and smother you with so much love and patience that you will wonder how you ever deserved it.

Consistently write in your journal and agendas. Keep putting stuff in your memory boxes.

No matter how mundane that day may be, write it down. It doesn’t even have to be in complete sentences. Bullet points that summarize the day would suffice. In the future, you are going to have less and less time to write in your journals. So a good back up are those agendas that you have. Write down important events, important people. You’ll be surprised at how many of these things you’d forget. And as for your memory boxes? Fill em up. Going through those boxes every now and then is one of your future favorite pastimes. And sure some of those things might end up being chucked away cause they become less sentimental and more junk (literally why did you hold on to those long eraser things from the Scholastica Book Fair circa 2003?) but you can let the future you decide whether it’s one or the other. As for now, save everything you possibly can.

Less is more.

I know that with the emergence of Twitter and all that you feel like you should share every little detail in your life. Insert Easy A scene where Mr. Griffith says “I don’t know what your generation’s fascination is with documenting your every thought… but I can assure you, they’re not all diamonds. “Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof.” 

Let me tell you right now that as your future self I delete some of the stuff you will tweet about. Why you ask? Because it’s hilarious how riled up you get about stuff that guess what? Doesn’t even matter anymore. To be quite honest, I don’t even remember some of the stuff you were talking about. But reading back it just makes you seem very angry and hostile. Not everyone needs to know your business, even if it is …. ~subtle and kind of coded~ Less is more boo boo. *says the lady who can be found in almost every corner of the internet*

The moment you stop chasing, things will fall into place.

Missy. I know you keep a list of anyone you have ever liked. And one day, you will laugh. Because. w a t. You’re gonna ask yourself why in the hell that was ever a thing. And there will be sleepless nights where a scenario with one of those people will play over and over in your head making you suffer through waves of embarrassment. You need to learn the valuable lesson of self-worth. And don’t you dare talk back to me and list everything there is to not like about you, because chances are, that ish don’t matter, b. Sooner or later I want you to realize that you don’t need anyone but yourself. I think you have enough personalities within you to entertain yourself. That and you will get addicted to many shows, books, and movies that will take up waaaaay too much of your time. And one day, when you find that you’ve been so caught up enjoying life all by your lonesome, without knowing it, you’ll get that story that your hopeless romantic ass has been waiting for. Just be patient. It’ll happen.

You are gonna lose people.

And I know that is a terrifying thought. Because no matter what the circumstance, you want to keep everyone you have in your life because you love them and care for them so much. I’m sorry to tell you but one day life is going to catch up. Suddenly you don’t have time for each other. Suddenly you find that you no longer suit each other. And often times, you’ll find that one or both of you will stop trying. And I know it’s painful to hear but it’s okay because you can still love and care for them from afar. Sadly, at some point, that’s the best you can do. But what you can never lose, are the memories that you have created with literally people from all over the world, spread out over 3 countries. I think that’s pretty amazing.

You are gonna get back up.

Life is going to be tough at times. You’re gonna get kicked down by life and you’ll feel like there is no hope. And hey, with what you’re going to go through, I can see why you’d feel that way. But hang in there. Tough out those hardships. Those hardships are what’s going to make you the person you are today. And I think she’s pretty kick ass. So yes, be down if you need to be. Let those feelings wash over you. But when you’re ready to try again, and you will be, you’ll be able to accomplish whatever you set your mind to.

And lastly, I love you.

You may not hear it often enough, but I do. I love you. And so do others. They may not say  it verbally, but hear it in their actions. You are not as lonely as you think you are. You don’t need to be as tough as you feel you have to be. Stop using sarcasm and fake-bitchyness as a defense mechanism. I see through you. I love you, even when you feel no one else can and no one else will. I love you, when you feel like the world is against you. I love you, when there is no one to confide in. I love you. I love you. I love you.

As always, from me to you with love,

Your kind of more responsible, kind of happier, kind of awesome, future self, M.